5 Talk Sport irritants

Like the Daily Mail online edition, Talk Sport has become an unavoidable part of my daily routine that I can’t quite shake off. And, whisper it quietly, some of it is good. Paul Hawksbee and Andy Jacobs’ show on a weekday afternoon is, by virtue of not taking it too seriously, funny and genuinely interesting at times. Similarly, the brilliant Danny Kelly appears to be unable to find a permanent slot in the schedule but regularly pops up like a chubby supply teacher and is often an eloquent, lone voice against the ‘Premiership is biggest and best’ bandwagon. And, although an utter tool, I have a certain grim admiration for Adrian Durham’s seemingly unending ability to adopt a hardline view that he appears to seriously believe for whatever issue he needs to get people to call in on (at premium rate), especially having held the exact opposite position two days earlier. But to get to the better stuff, there is much shite to endure:



MICKY QUINN
‘Everyone’s favourite Scouser’ is how one of the station’s trails describes him, although this is no truer than Ian Huntley being ‘everyone’s favourite caretaker’. A clear advocate of the concept that bluster and volume is preferable to intelligence and analysis, he wears his Liver bird close to his chest and is a persistent exponent of the tiresome ‘we won it five times, the Kop speaks as one, we don’t sack managers, unique atmosphere, best supporters in the weeerld’ horseshit heard from pub bores in ecru away kits the length and breadth of the world. And Alvin Martin is no better.


DARREN GOUGH
Living proof of the ever-increasing depressing trend toward employing former sportsmen before first checking they can speak coherently (on which note Sky must surely be receiving a grant or fulfilling a quota by giving Dean Windass air time) Gough appears barely capable of sustaining a consistent point of view through a three hour show, during which he is careful not to insult anyone he may bump into on the ‘celebrity’ circuit. Makes Ian Wright seem like John Arlott.



MARK SAGGERS
Co-host of the weekend breakfast show with Micky Quinn and anchor of much of the weeknight output. Came across quite well while performing a similar role at Radio 5, elevating himself in the minds of most right-thinking people by his clear dislike of Alan ‘this is woeful’ Green. However, on arrival at TS was clearly told he needed to be more opinionated, which he is not remotely suited to. His ‘oh get on with it’ outburst at the staggered announcement of the 2022 World Cup hosts, in reaction to England not getting 2018 a few minutes earlier (despite England being in his opinion the only show in town because, well, ‘we’re England’), was pure, unfiltered, glorious Partridge.



MIKE PARRY
Almost single handedly ruining the name of Everton fans every time he opens his mouth, his mid morning show is a great clunking mess of a current issues discussion show, seemingly sponsored by The Sun, in which little Englander Parry attempts to win arguments by making words up and taking up entrenched positions too odd to make for a proper debate. Still miles better than predecessor Jon ‘Political Correctness gone mad’ Gaunt, the obnoxious love child of Richard Littlejohn and Margaret Thatcher.


RONNIE IRANI
See Darren Gough